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Serving in Singleness


Shaun Frankland

Today I want to get really real with y’all about serving in singleness. For so much of my life, even up until recently, I had this image of serving the Lord in my head. It was something like this: I would wake up in the morning next to my spouse, we’d eat breakfast and then have quiet time together. There would always be someone to pray with. There would be someone who would wake up with me in the middle of the night just to worship when we couldn’t sleep. We could go out and love on the lost together. 

 I had no idea how to serve the Lord in my singleness. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that I felt like I couldn’t fully do anything for the Lord without having a significant other there to do it with me. And oh how wrong I was. 

The fact is singleness is a wonderful time to serve. Paul writes this in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34: 

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. 

Our singleness is a time when we don’t have to worry about other people. You know what happens when you add another person into a relationship? You start to worry about what they want you to do and how they want you to act, instead of just focusing on Jesus and what he wants you to do. You start to people please and wonder if how you are acting is helping them in their walk with the Lord. 

Our singleness is a time that we can put all of our energy full force into the Lord and what He is calling us to do.


Singleness is a season where we can spend all of our time getting to know the Lord fully. We get to spend as much of our time as we’d like in the word, in prayer, in worship, just getting to know who our God is and how great he is. 

And that isn’t to say that the season of marriage is any less awesome, because frankly, it’s gonna be pretty dang great. But for right now, while I have so much time to myself, I’m going to spend it serving the Lord. I’m going to spend it in the word; I’m going to spend it in worship; and I’m going to fully immerse myself in Him because I can

I hope you all have a happy, happy week serving the Lord in whatever season of life you are in. 

I’lll see you next time,

Shi xx

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Looking For Companionship


Jez Timms

 

Genesis 2:18 // Then the Lord said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper for him.”

There it is. Right there is proof that we are naturally drawn to people. God didn’t want us to go through this life alone. In fact, God tells us that it is not good for us to be alone. He created us to want companionship, to want to be around other people. He created us to want to find a person to spend the rest of our lives with, because life is better together. 

So what should we do about companionship in our singleness?

Well, according to dictionary.com, a companion is either: 

  1. a person who is frequently in the company of, associates with, or accompanies another; or 
  2. a mate or match for something 

You see, when I think of God wanting us to have a companion, I always go straight to my future husband. But I think what I sometimes forget about is all of the people in my life who I am around frequently; my friends, my classmates, my coworkers—they are all my companions! I always am so caught up in wanting the perfectly planned picture in my head of what I think my future is going to look like to come true, that I often forget to look at the people that around me right now. 

It’s so easy to feel alone until you look around you at the big picture.

I’ve got friends and family who love me so unconditionally. They are the ones who are teaching me how to love and preparing me for when my spouse does eventually come into the picture. It’s really a beautiful thing, if you think about it. 

God doesn’t call us to do life alone. We are surrounded each and everyday with some people he has placed in our lives for a reason. 


This week, I challenge you to really look at your support system—look at your companions. Who has God put in your life to teach you to be a better spouse one day? Who has he put in your life to love you unconditionally until your person comes around?

These are the relationships to treasure right now, because once you are in a committed relationship, these will shift. Love on people as fully as you can right now. They’re in your life for a reason.

Blessings,
Shi xx

faith, talk
You Need To Hear This.

You need to hear this. || A response.

If there are two things you need to know about me before I start this it’s these:

  1. I am an avid youtube watcher
  2. I am a hopeless romantic

I started watching this on YouTuber’s videos a few years back, after I saw one of her vlogs about young life. I’ve been following her ever since.

I don’t know her; I do know girls like her, though. Girls who have been through what she is going through—so desperate to find someone who will love them so fully and recklessly. And they all have their ways of searching for that—through “serial dating,” through one night stands, through leading guys on. It’s all about feeling that intimacy. Feeling some sort of control over the situation and over how you will end up feeling in the end.

When I watched her newest video my heart hurt for her and for all of the girls who are in the same boat as she is. This post isn’t meant to come across as judgment. As I said before, I don’t know her, but I do know that she is hurting, like so many of us are, and I wanted to make this post with the intention of it reaching even one person out there who is struggling with this.

She started her video talking about the future—particularly future spouses. She listed off a few of the things that would make up her dream spouse. (Here are mine: he makes me laugh, loves me even when I’m a mess, loves kids and wants a family, and so much more). We all have these lists of things we want in our future spouses, and this isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, these can be great.

When I was 13 I went through a class on sexual purity. I had never even heard of half of the things that we talked about prior to the class. But one of the things that we did talk about was making these lists. We all wrote down what we wanted in our future spouses and we prayed about it. To this day, I still pray about it. 

But here’s what we do need to realize and accept about these lists. Sure, someone could meet every single quality that we are looking for—but they still won’t be perfect. We’re humans. We’re sinners. We’re flawed. Nothing that any of us do is ever going to be perfect. It’s just not possible.   And when we can’t find our perfect, that is when we often start to, in Katy’s words, “accept what we know we don’t deserve.” We accept less than we deserve because we submit to never being able to achieve perfect. 

So why do we do that? 

The answer: we crave intimacy.

For this YouTuber, she talks about one night stands and how occasionally, she’ll use those to fulfill her need for intimacy. She talks about the feeling that she gets just by being in someone’s arms, and how it feels like finally getting it right. 

Until they leave. 

I’ve been there. 

For me, personally, it wasn’t one night stands. My tactic was to just avoid guys at all costs because I’d convinced myself that no one was ever going to love me anyway, so why try? 

I have friends who have been there. 

Sipping on alcohol until they can’t feel their limbs anymore and they finally feel free, lovable, unreserved. 

Going back to boys who had wrecked their hearts over and over and over because they thought that no one else would ever love them the same way—that they would never love anyone the same way.

We all crave love. 

We all crave intimacy. 

So here’s my proposal: what if we don’t find our intimacy and fulfillment inside of our significant others?

What if there’s someone out there who could love us even better than any other human can? 

In the last few years I’ve learned a lot about the God shaped hole in my heart. The one that I thought could be filled with friendships and love and acceptance, when in reality, could only be filled by the creator of my soul. 

I remember it like it was yesterday: I was laying in bed one night in tears, because I felt like so much of an outcast. I had my phone playing random music, and “Beloved” by Tenth Avenue North came on. (If you’ve never heard it, please take a few minutes and listen to it). In that moment I physically felt the arms of Jesus wrap around my body and just hold me. 

It was probably the most comforting thing I’ve ever felt. 

And it was so, so real. 

I honestly don’t know what else to say. Just, God’s love is so much deeper and surer than anything I’ve ever felt on this earth. He’s held me every time I’ve ever felt like I was falling apart; every time I would run away, He’s been waiting with arms stretched open for my return. 

Do I want a marriage with an awesome guy who will love me fully? Of course!

But do I need that someday so desperately that I’ll do anything possible to fill that hole now? No. 

My God’s got me; I’m going to focus fully on him and live in peace and satisfaction and wholeness because that’s who he is.

Love of my life
Deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I’m the giver of life
I’ll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me

you’re chasing lovers that won’t satisfy

won’t you let me make you my bride

you will drink of my lips and you’ll taste new life”

Blessings,

Shi xx

Disclaimer: names have been left out for privacy reasons. If you know who I’m talking about, please do not mention their name. Thanks.
also: this wasn’t originally meant to be posted for my The One On Singleness series, but it definitely relates so I’m categorizing it as such! Companionship in singleness is still coming out on Tuesday! 🙂
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I’ve Never Been Kissed (And That’s Okay)

never been kissed
Toa Heftiba

As I sat down to start writing this series, The One on Singleness, I had a lot of thoughts racing through my head. (Mostly thoughts about how I am totally unqualified to talk about relationships at all!) The thing that kept running through my mind was that I’ve never even been kissed, so how can I talk to other people about it? 

But God’s been really pushing me to do this—to step out of my comfort zone and be really real with you all. Sure, I haven’t been kissed yet, but you know what I know a lot about? Being single. Who better to write a series on singleness than someone who has been single for their entire life. 

So I’m doing it. And we’re starting at the beginning. 

I’ve Never Been Kissed (And That’s Okay). 

Almost a year ago now, I wrote a post titled “The Misconception of Modern Romance.” To this day, this is one of my favorite posts that I’ve ever written. (If you haven’t read it, you can do so here). When I first thought about writing a series on singleness, I was drawn back to this post. 

We, as a generation, have fallen for so many of these misconceptions about dating and relationships. So to start this series off, I would like to point out some of these misconceptions for you. 

  1. You don’t have to have your first kiss by a certain point in your life (i.e. sixteen) to reach adulthood. I’ve gone 21 years without being kissed and I don’t think I’m any less of a person because of it. In fact, it is special that whoever does get to be my first kiss will know how much they mean to me. 
  2. You don’t have to sleep with someone to get them to like you. This is one that I see so much from my dearest friends. They have this deep rooted belief that if they don’t have sex with their significant other, that they suddenly become undesirable. And this simply isn’t true—and if your s/o does become uninterested with you if you don’t have sex with them, than you know what they really wanted anyway. 
  3. Dating for fun. What even is “dating for fun?” Quite honestly, you’re dating for one of two things: a breakup or marriage. I’ve chosen to be intentional in who I do decide to date, because I am dating for marriage. I’m a marriage minded person, and this scares a lot of people. There is a fear of commitment among our generation. 
  4. College isn’t a time for experimenting. Just please. Be careful. 
  5. There is something to be said for dating someone who has the same belief system as you do. It makes a relationship really hard when you have two very different world views. 

And there are so many more that I’m sure will come up as this series continues. My original plan was for this series to last for four weeks. It may be longer or shorter than that at this point—I’m not sure. I just wanted to give you all a little taste at what is to come.

Next week we will be talking about companionship and where we can find that in our singleness. 

Blessings,

Shi xx

 

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The Misconception of Modern Romance

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Have you ever noticed that romance is literally everywhere? It’s plastered on billboards and magazines; it fills the pages of our favorite novels and the lyrics of our favorite songs. Romance surrounds us in every direction that we turn. It can almost feel like we are drowning in it. 

It seems to me that we live in a generation where romance is romanticized. We have placed all of our hopes and dreams in finding our “soul mate.” And if we haven’t found Mr. Right by the time we turn 16, it can make us feel like there is something seriously wrong with us. (I’ve often found myself sitting in my room thinking, “why can’t I get even one boy to like me? Am I really that horrible?) (Okay, maybe it hasn’t been quite that dramatic, but still. The point stands.) 

We don’t even romanticize real romance for pete’s sake. We romanticize sex and going from partner to partner and dating for the heck of it, not for marriage. We romanticize clubs and One Night Stands and being so drunk when it happens that we can’t even remember it the next day. We romanticize “Netflix and Chill” and “The Walk of Shame.” 

What happened to the romance of novels and movies? The kind where doors are held open and love letters are sent back and forth? What happened to a love like Nathan and Haley’s from One Tree Hill? Did that kind of love ever even exist? Someday’s I don’t believe that it did. Now all we have are Tinder and OkCupid and guys who want us for nothing more than to get into our pants.

date

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am actually terrible at this stuff. I’ve had plenty of guys message me on OkCupid looking for a hook up, even though my profile clearly states that I’m saving myself for marriage. It’s like shouting into a void that will never listen that I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Like, my heart is looking for so much more than that. I want to be in love with someone. I want to find someone who I would want to start a family with. Someone I have a mutual trust with. 

But people are terrible at that these days. Or at least that’s how it feels. People are looking for quick and easy. They are looking for a one stop shop. And maybe that’s where the issue of modern dating actually stems from. We are all so used to instant gratification—we have everything at our finger tips now. From shopping online for clothes to shopping online for a partner (because, let’s face it, that’s sort of what online dating is.) So when it doesn’t happen for us immediately, it makes us feel like we are missing out on something great. And when it does happen, it often ends just as quickly as it started, except this time we’ve got broken hearts to pick up the pieces to.

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But here’s the really great thing about life: we don’t need someone else to make us whole. Iain Thomas wrote that “you do not need another heart to make yours beat, despite popular misconception.”

We are all perfectly capable of handling life on our own. Yes, romance is nice. It’s fun and exciting and I want to get married more than anything else in this world someday. But while I wait, it’s nice to have the assurance that I don’t need another person to make me whole. I am my own person. I’ve got my own beating heart.

All the love,
Shi xx

all images courtesy of tumblr.com

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